tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116258182024-03-07T22:07:25.509-08:00pond-ringsashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1165175377222479612006-12-03T11:45:00.000-08:002006-12-03T11:49:37.236-08:00More on the Fast Train of Being and DoingA conversation with <a href="http://gracefulpresence.blogspot.com/">Meredith</a>:<br /><br />Meredith: <blockquote>This is all in addition to my full time position as a mental health therapist, with a caseload of mostly zero to eight. (That includes a lot of parents!) This work just keeps taking me on the most amazing journey. I never really feel like I know exactly what I am doing, but rather that I am just being, in presence, in the most open-hearted manner I am able to open, coupled with with deep listening. I am filled with gratitude - thankfulness on so many levels.</blockquote>Ashley<br /><blockquote>I sure do hear you on the abundance of gratitude-thankfulness. For me, I tend to start in a place of being and then I get seduced by the flurry of possibilities, visions, and pathways for action that come my way. I jump on a train with the intention to 'bring something to life'. I go along for a few stops... and then realize... wait, what happened, where did my being go? How'd I get swept away into this flurry of doing? The first clues that usually get through to my awareness are when I notice I'm feeling anxious around all that I want to accomplish. That's when I know it's time to step off, breathe, feel the life, love and beauty around me, and listen to what is emerging NOW. The doing that needs attention always arrives in the right timing... I don't have to arrive before it does. I just have to be here, centered and alert, listening to what is emerging. I love watching myself fall on and off this train... seeing my growth unfolding!!<br /></blockquote>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1160245204866633122006-10-07T11:13:00.000-07:002006-10-07T11:22:22.736-07:00The Trembling Knowing of Unknown. . . .<br /><br />Perched up high in the Blue Ridge mountains,<br />holding space and being,<br />witnessing as living love mourns passing life, grieving death's finality,<br />I had a night of wailing.<br /><br />It moved me so intensely... so powerfully forcing through my system. I had never truly experienced wailing until that moment. And in that moment, I recognized it as an ancient thread in my lineage... wailing women... open vessels through which passes such pure and raw intensity, traveling the currents of emotion, yet not belonging to the messenger. I did not experience this to be mine personally but I personally was enveloped in the experiencing... and watching it... and moments of doubt, wondering if I was loosing my mind, going crazy, and knowing I was and I wasn't. Desiring confirmation. Appreciating its absence.<br /><br />. . . .<br /><br />The Puget Sound meets the coast, and perched upon a rock, tangled in a tree's roots, walking the earth, feeling the waves, watching reflections of water and shadow I enter into another's story that rubs close to my heart.<br /><br />In my understanding of what I read and experienced, I felt my feeling-being touch that place of wailing. I did not have to feel it so intensely tremble through me, but I recognized that the chord which had been struck connected to that harmony. I sat with it. Breathing. Listening. Holding a heart of compassion. Accepting, trusting and also wondering what might be mine.<br /><br />. . . .ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1155739309890356282006-08-16T07:39:00.000-07:002006-08-17T09:23:58.390-07:00The Fire of Love's Embrace<div style="text-align: center;">the edge between<br />that which is essential and alive<br />and that which is now dead<br /><br />t h e<br />s p a c e s<br />b e t w e e n<br /><br />where we carry in our hearts<br />infinitedivine<br />fire of love<br /><br />that which we carry and that which must be buried<br /><br />Surrendering to the passing of time<br />Surrendering to Eternity<br /><br />returning to unity<br /><br />(original blessing, June 28, 2006)<br /></div>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1145574984872997792006-04-20T16:14:00.000-07:002006-04-20T16:16:24.883-07:00Love, Trust and Passion for Being AliveA contribution that I recently made: My speaking into the Circle:<br /><br />There is a current of existence that runs beneath the surface of my experience of the relative world. This current is profoundly alive, a pulsing essence of love and trust. My mind, hanging out on the relative surface, often does not understand or has troubles making sense of the ways things are showing up in the world. My mind… connected to my heart… connected to this always ever-present current of love and trust (faith) gets confused and twisted and scrambles at times in efforts to experience the full, fresh, alive essence of love and trust here on earth, here with all my relations. That part of me that is always connected to this current of knowing is very wise… she/it provides me with the ability to breathe with ease, to smile, to laugh, to play, to dance, to look deeply into another's eyes, to celebrate as fully as possible this divine opportunity I have been granted to be alive… today… right now… in this body I am inhabiting… connecting in the world… sharing love.<br /><br />There are other parts of me that grasp at the current that is always present. They don't feel the love, they don't feel the trust… and they want to because they know it's there. The mind says, "There is love present, there is trust present"… and yet the body says, "But I can't feel it… I feel pain, I feel mistrust, I feel fear, I feel rejection, I feel contraction." These parts of me share the same heart and so they have hints of knowing what it is like to live an embodied experience that permeates with a sense of love and trust. They yearn to bring forth that experience in the world around them. This is an essential part of my way of being in this world… I am alive for sharing love with the world.<br /><br />And yet, love is such a big and Powerful word. Its energy is huge. There are so many threads of meaning woven together to fit inside the shape of that small four letter word. Often when I am struck by the immensity and power of something, I become curious, seeking to look more closely at the parts that make the whole. This inspires me to deepen my relationship with whatever I am curious about, inviting greater intimacy. And so with the word love, I often ask such questions of myself (and others when they are open to such a conversation):<br /><br /> * What is love to you?<br /> * How do you experience love?<br /> * How do you express love?<br /> * How do you receive love?<br /> * How do you recognize love?<br /> * What does love feel like?<br /><br />An answer that I've been living with for myself lately (it's actually a part of a song about my purpose that I sing to myself!): "For me… Love is honesty… Love is to Be… Love is to free you and me." I don't feel like explaining what that means to me right now, but if you have questions feel free to ask.<br /><br />Peggy asks: What is calling me now?<br /><br />A passion to share love with the world. A passion to be in Relationship, allowing the always present current of love and trust to be present even when we are working through the challenges of finding ways to manifest that love and trust. I feel deeply called to be with collectives that are learning how to show up authentically as individuals and how to show up authentically as a collective. I feel called to be present with and give voice to the interpersonal space, the relational space. I feel called to celebrate with others the Gracious Beauty of Life, exploring ways to help grace, beauty, respect, love, gratitude, celebration, etc emerge as abundantly as does fear, hatred, war, disrespect, and all those other words. I feel called to smile and laugh and play, diving deep into the juice and splashing around joy!!!ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1143998767873255432006-04-02T10:09:00.000-07:002006-04-02T11:56:55.916-07:00My Style of Embracing Shadow and Light<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://static.flickr.com/54/113121347_709711e28d.jpg"><span style="font-size:85%;">(Photo by </span></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/deejohnson/113121347/">Dee Johnson</a>)<img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://static.flickr.com/54/113121347_709711e28d.jpg" alt="" border="0" /><br />The shadow points to where the sun is... following the shadow's shape and direction on the earth is a guide to finding the source of light. On a cloudy day when the shadows are hidden and hazed over, it's harder to locate exactly where the sun shines. And on crisp clear days when we are fortunate to play with our eyes open, recognizing the beauty of what-is, we can notice the spectrum of light reflecting and shadow casting decorating existence.<br /><span class="" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_CreateLink" title="Link" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 8);ButtonMouseDown(this);"></span><br />And so it is in our internal landscape. My style of embracing what-is includes noticing signs (shapes) within me that point to 'shadow' and embracing them too as I know that following their guidance will lead me to the brighter light. At this moment's reflection, I recognize 2 ways in which I get tuned into the presence of my shadow. The main one is whenever I feel a strong charge around some interaction/engagement -- If I feel triggered, if I feel a real sense of being subject to some deep emotion, a sense of indignation, a feeling of emotional arousal, or something that creeps over me and seems to absorb me. When I notice that I am so strongly in my own experience, absorbed by my own perceptions, charged by this presence, then I know that there is something here for me to 'investigate.' In a state of being absorbed, the light dims. The moment of recognizing the dimmed light grants me an opportunity to expand my vision, open to allowing in more air, more room to move, more perspective, more than just little old me attached to my ways of being and doing and afraid to step out into an unknown.<br /><br />When I recognize this dimming or subjective addiction or attachment and then follow it's pointing to what is beneath it, usually something gogeous and fresh emerges. The darkness has pointed me towards the light. And I feel such a sense of awe, love and apprecaition for the opportunity to discover this hidden place in my being waiting to receive my attention<br /><br />Cathy (with slight remixing)<br /><blockquote>when I listen to that voice that calls me from very deep within, I give it an audience, then I have a greater strength and calm and serenity.</blockquote>The second way that shadow reveals herself to me is through my noticing of patterns in the ways I interact with others. The moment I notice a repetition of types of interactions or ways people are responding or reacting to me, that moment is like seeing the tree's shadow on the grass and looking up to find the sun that's just peeked out from behind the clouds. If there is something in this pattern that does not seem to be serving the greatest good (each of us in our fullest light) then I speculate there is a play of shadow woven in our interaction... and I set out to investigate. This process of light (insight) discovery is often much slower. Usually there are many moments of noticing the pattern before a deeper awareness surfaces.<br /><br />I strongly believe that our shadows exist because at some point in our lives we needed them. We developed habits in order to survive, in order to effectively exist in the world that was around us... and as we evolve and mature we are less and less in need of those protective layers, we've discovered new ways of being and surviving. For this reason, I feel such an affection for my own and other people's shadows, they represent such a precious time in our lives and are in some ways like a favorite blankey.... all they ask from us is for love and acceptance, to be listened to and heard. And we do them a disservice if we continue to give them power as it is no longer 'real' power only patterns of habit. And so we with loving eyes weave the threads of essence into our new wings. . .<br /><br />Chris:<br /><blockquote>By learning to onglingly stand in my shadow and feel it directly, I sense the possibility for holding others before me more as real beings and less as projections of my own unseen being.<br /><br />I view my shadow as a function of my Being, and a living component of it, full of essence and information I need if I am to trust myself in relating [to myself and] others in a way that is free. </blockquote>ahhhhh.....<br /><br />(from a <a href="http://www.easilyamazed.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=148">conversation</a> at the <a href="http://www.easilyamazed.com/bb/index.php">wings forum</a>)ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1141412016364306002006-03-03T10:51:00.000-08:002006-03-03T11:06:05.940-08:00Being, Becoming, and Holy LongingFrom an email exchange with<a href="http://www.luminacoaching.com/"> Karen Sella:<br /></a><br />Karen writes:<blockquote style="color: rgb(204, 255, 255);">Also, a pebble to toss into the pond of "how" our being/becoming… I often think that we are all manifesting deeper "how" already, but that we don't quite know it yet—we're living into it…</blockquote>Me:<blockquote style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">It's just as in infancy... the infant is deepening into the experience of being alive. The child is deeply embedded in the pre-personal, it is not yet able to know itself, only able to be itself.</blockquote>Karen:<br /><blockquote style="color: rgb(204, 255, 255);">Like the atmospheric conditions that occur in other planes long before the rain falls, there is a shift occurring of which we may not be fully aware, that perhaps we intuit and sense from time to time. We feel it in our bones, but the sky still looks sunny and blue.<br /><br />Sometimes this intuiting and sensing translates into a deep yearning—a wanting and a seeking—that simultaneously inspires "how" unfolding and also gets in its way.</blockquote>Me: <blockquote style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">It is when we <span style="font-weight: bold;">grasp</span> at the intuiting and sensing, hold it clutchingly in our hands, try and keep it still so that we may study it and know it and squeeze its wisdom into our knowledge that we get in it way. Another way of becoming intimate with the the intuiting and sensing is recognizing it as a holy longing... bringing us closer to home... inviting us into a oneness of spirit... tickling us awake... big beaming eyes of love staring at us from the edges of the crib, inviting us into this blessed experience of being alive right now!</blockquote> Karen:<br /><blockquote style="color: rgb(204, 255, 255);">However (how…ever…), as folks in this region know all too well, we all get wet sooner or later, so perhaps we don't have to try so hard to "become the change" that already is—but rather, we simply have to show up and be present—attend with the fullness of being—body/heart/mind/soul/spirit—integrated being…which is sometimes not so simple, yes…and yet, inevitable…</blockquote> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">m m m m m m m m m</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 204, 255); font-weight: bold;">a a a a a h h h h h h h h h h </span></span>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1139424262344562692006-02-08T10:38:00.000-08:002006-02-08T10:48:28.203-08:00Being and Presence ArisingThe power of inquiry... A new friend, Kevin, asks me this question:<blockquote><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">You have a lot of interest in Being / Presence.. I am wondering where this arises from you - through you - in your life?</span> </blockquote> At that first world cafe table we were at together (with Jair and Joel) you all were talking about Almaas. Upon occasion, when people read my writing and hear me speak they ask if I have read Almaas as my language seems to resonate with his. I have not, though my partner is well read in Almaas and so I learn language through him... This is much my means of relating in the world, expanding awareness and learning new language and perspective through the process of relating with others... other including nature, the environment, myself....and connecting that which arises in the process of relating with that which naturally arises within my experience (not sure if that makes any sense). There is a deep longing within me, an insatiable hunger to taste the fullness of flavor in every experience. I am highly sensitive to my environments, picking up on subtle nuances and present sensations. I am practicing deepening this awareness within my own body, feeling more fully into the subtle pulls and calls that guide from within...learning, deepening my trust.<br /><br />My interest in Being/Presence is my life. I move through my moment(s) guided by this longing to invite forth and be present with Presence/Being. Little sign posts that decorate my desk at times:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Glow Now</span><br /><br /></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">Please Be</span><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></div> Where does this arise from me, through me, in my life? There is a stillness within my dynamic moving and engaging in the world. There is a resonance that I associate with that stillness. It is filled with Essence, it is a moment when there is Life bursting through at every seem... it contains a knowing that requires no effort in being the knowing. it is an isness. That <span style="font-style: italic;">place</span> is my wholeness navigator. It is the feedback loop that signals for me alignment. My intention is to invite it into every aspect of my life. This has been my purpose and way of being in the world long before I had any awareness of what I was 'doing'. My life has consequently been filled with vibrant colors and abundant love and a sense of frequently finding myself in a place of 'differentness' and confusion regarding the ways of other human beings. As I've gotten older and been able to be present more consciously with this way of being within myself, I have been fortunate to have more resonant souls upon my path. A most entertaining aspect of my development is recognizing how much of my 'way of being' that I take for granted. I have carried so many assumptions in my life that people are consciously choosing to not tell the truth, to not be present and connected in a conversation, to not admit their fears and uncertainties. It is an awe-full journey to discover that these are not such conscious choices for everyone...<br /><br />mmmm....thank you so much for inviting me to explore this territory in words. It's always expanding for me to deepen into awareness of my process, helping to guide me in the journey of staying on the path more consistantly than I currently do.<br /><br />Of course, I would love to hear what arises for you in this reading.ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1130176705376821872005-10-24T10:49:00.000-07:002005-10-24T11:00:45.596-07:00Practicing by the RiverI needed a break. I needed a place to take refuge, some time to refuel. Life is unfolding and expanding, growth is exciting and exhausting. It's time to sink in. I request the help of the land to sweep me away, to cleanse my mind and ground my soul.<br /><br />The flow of the water reminds me and refreshes me. The river flows through me, my channel sighs open. My body folds in... giving over to gravity, being guided by the energetic currents moving through, shaping, turning, folding, contouring within... and spreading beyond.<br /><br />I drape myself upon the rocks, my feet mold to mimic their shape. I breathe in the coolness of their grounded strength, I'm charged by their ancient pulse.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://static.flickr.com/29/55361375_c75b1c130a_m.jpg" /> <img src="http://static.flickr.com/28/55355293_6cf3967d68_m.jpg" /> <img src="http://static.flickr.com/31/55355295_a97cb77a89_m.jpg" /><br /></div>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1128799579362084752005-10-08T12:24:00.000-07:002005-10-08T12:26:19.370-07:00Exploration into Being and DoingMy life is an ongoing journey of inquiry and practice, unraveling understanding of my personal process and integrating new growth into existing forms of expression. A place of learning that I continuously visit in my merry-go-round-the-spiral is the relationship between being and doing and my own personal means of manifesting this interplay.<br /><br />When I am balanced and resting in acceptance of <span style="font-style: italic;">what is</span>, I am Being. From that centered state of <span style="font-style: italic;">being</span>, that which I need to <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> naturally emerges. Doing arises through Being.<br /><br />Often I wake up, noticing myself in a state of imbalance: <a href="http://easilyamazed.com/blog/2005/07/do-be-do-be-do-be.html">In July I wrote:</a><blockquote> I am a very responsible Doer. When something needs to get done, I'm quick to figure out what action needs taken to accomplish the task. A mission of mine is to allow Doing to arise from Being. If I Am, then that which I need to Do becomes self-evident and unfolds in my life in a fluid manner. When I'm focused on doing, taking care of business, making things happen, sometimes I forget to fully Be. My attention is split between what is occurring in the present moment and what I need to do; my Being is more sporadic, coming in crisp moments and then fleeing to the background.</blockquote>A couple of weeks ago I noticed: <blockquote>I'm doing laundry, dishes, making coffee and listening to my new play list of music....<br /><br />As I whisk around in these various places I feel the pour run through me... noticing what is, I feel how thankful I am. How blessed I am with this life and how much I adore it. I see how I get stuck in a roll of taking myself too seriously, believing this story that I tell myself that I have to be DOING so much in this world, manifesting all that is burning with passion inside of me. I don't have to do anything... and everything that I do (with authenticity and awareness) is a blessing. Stop taking yourself so damn seriously, she says to herself!!</blockquote>And <a href="http://www.easilyamazed.com/bb/viewtopic.php?p=16&sid=f894e5cb5ddb0b3c36a88b56dd3d6a01#16">yesterday</a>: <blockquote>I'm in a constant practice of cleaning and clearing and decluttering the junk. It amazes me how often I find habits or contractions sitting upon my heart space, engaging my energy in ways that shut down life's potential for flourishing. And yet for me, finding them, noticing those distractions and contractions that are present is such a blessing. It's an opportunity for me to dive into the clutter, opening space for healing and greater awareness. Recognizing the junk gives me an opportunity to choose how I want to respond to its presence. Sometimes it just gets thrown away, sometimes I don't know if it's junk or if it has value. I have the opportunity to relate to the clutter and see if there is essence beneath the surface, see if there is growing and development that could unfold if I offer attention to this contraction.<br /><br />The passion I have for this process, however, gets in my way also. I am learning how to rest and simply accept my observation that something could be more authentic, that something could be more full of life, and that right now, it is what it is. I am trying to calm my Doing tendency to jump right in and take action to 'make it better.' I am practicing just noticing. I still have a long way to go in this practice!</blockquote>At this moment, these precious stones that mark my pathway fill me joy. I smile at this view of my own unfolding. I feel the deliciously familiar spread of bliss that emanates through me in the presence of expanding awareness to include greater wholes.<br /><br />Quotes from <a href="http://www.ahalmaas.com/glossary/index.htm">A.H. Almaas</a> have helped to guide this morning's reflective journey<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">When we are simply being, our experience of ourselves is direct, immediate, spontaneous, and natural, free from the influence of the thick veil of accumulated memories, ideas, ideals and images.<br /><br />The process emerges if you allow it, give it the space to emerge. Your most important work is to understand the barriers you have against the unfolding.<br /><br />Three elements need to be balanced or need to stay in balance as a person is engaged in the process of development. Basically, the three things are understanding, being, and doing.</span></blockquote>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1128060706151754522005-09-29T22:57:00.000-07:002005-09-30T12:17:05.606-07:00My PracticeThis post from <a href="http://www.integralawakening.com/ia/2005/05/a_call_to_the_f.html">Integral Awakening</a> is a gift that keeps on giving. Thank you, <a href="http://www.integralawakening.com/ia/">Ryan</a>. <blockquote> <span style="font-weight:bold;">A Call to the Feminine: Integral Practice</span> <br /><br /><i>I have a request, no, I'm begging for women (or anyone with a dominant feminine essence) to share your experiences, ideas, and wonderings about integral practice. Please post on your own blogs or comment on this post. I think the feminine perspective is sorely lacking in what integral practice is and means. Discussions and books are either hyper-masculine or simply feminine-devoid.</i></blockquote> My attention was resting upon this area over my desk when a thought passed through, <span style="font-style:italic;">this must be an example of part of my current practice</span>. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.easilyamazed.com/pictures/glow now practice.JPG">ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1127585462591590472005-09-24T10:56:00.000-07:002005-09-24T11:36:07.020-07:00Knowledge and Awareness<span class="msg">The double-edged sword of self-awareness. . .When does knowledge and especially knowledge of one's need for self-awareness get in the way of actually being aware of self?<br /><br />Sometimes our mind and all it knows seeks security, faith demands that we rest in insecurity. Sometimes rational thinking invites our attention into the many possibilities that lie outside of our current experience, faith invites us to trust in those possibilities unfolding. Hope adds to our dreams of something different, faith awakens those dreams. Knowledge of the <span style="font-style: italic;">right</span> thing to do can seduce while faith loves What Is. Intellectual awareness of the way out is often a grasping attempt to escape from despair, an attempt to use positive thinking to change What Is. Acceptance allows despair to be despair and walking into the heart of that despair one may find an open doorway, a place to gently make contact, offering a touch of sobering kindness.<br /></span><span class="msg"><br />Sometimes I think that people know the affirmations and techniques of truth, they know that this is what is 'needed' for attaining wholeness or health. Sometimes, this knowledge of how one <i>should</i> be responding or acting gets in the way. It becomes just another thing that someone is 'doing wrong', another way that they are 'making themselves' feel this way. (the quotations are because I'm trying to replicate some self-talk here, not that I am saying that to anyone else).<br /><br />For myself, sometimes I just have to accept that I should be present with and accept this feeling and right now I'm not and I don't. Right now it sucks and is painful and I can't accept it. Right now I can't go further into it because I'm stuck in the looping of hating its presence... Sometimes those pointers to the 'healthy way of doing things' are just another way of romanticizing some state other than what is being experienced right now.<br /><br />When someone feels anger or hate or anything else, it's authentic because it is what they are feeling. Noticing our emotions jumps to a different level once we are aware of our noticing... Then we have the response-ability to notice our reactions to our emotions. In the practice of accepting, we have to start with whatever is most present. If it's a response to an emotion that is most present then we have to accept our response and then perhaps down the road we can accept the emotion and then. . .<br /><br /><br /><br />(some of these thoughts are adapted from a passage in </span><span class="msg"><a href="http://robertmasters.com/Writing_Section/books.htm#"><span class="high">Robert</span> <span class="high">Masters</span></a>' book <i>Darkness Shining Wild)</i></span><br /><span class="msg"><br /><br /></span>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1124588080877290502005-08-20T18:30:00.000-07:002005-08-21T09:12:27.226-07:00Inquiry into SufferingIn the midst of a heavy current of emotions pouring through me yesterday, I found myself meditating on the topic of suffering. A definition arose for me in those moments.<br /><br />Suffering -- knowing the essence of Beauty and not being able to taste it.<br />Knowing One Taste, tasting too many flavors.<br /><br />I was thinking about how my own experience of suffering is totally contingent upon Beauty, <a href="http://easilyamazed.com/blog/2005/08/letting-love-in.html">Love</a>, and Potential that I know to exist beyond that which I am experiencing. I know a place of rest, contentment, effortlessness, ease... and yet my reality is filled with so many other flavors of contraction, pain, discomfort, agony, longing, desire, exhaustion, confusion, etc. I was thinking that if I didn't know that other state, if I didn't know a more complete sense of fullness than I wouldn't feel suffering in the gap between that highest potential and my current state.<br /><br />I began to reflect on the 'tasting too many other flavors' part as I was watching all of the things that I was feeling, noticing my desire to not feel or give attention to some of those feelings. I felt over-stimulated and helpless as to how to move my attention beyond the looping of what I was experiencing, expanding to a 'place' beyond my suffering. I began to wonder about all these flavors... how much there is to feel in the universe and how overwhelming it can be to be feeling so many different threads... how so often in those places I yearn for focus, more simplicity, a narrowing of the field... And yet, when there is an overriding sense of peace within me, I cherish all those flavors that I feel.<br /><br />I would love to hear any feedback on this little reflection on suffering passing through me. <br /><br />Thanks!ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1122750418180768202005-07-30T12:03:00.000-07:002005-07-30T12:06:58.186-07:00My PracticeHere's the first part (the more general part) of a post about my Practice:<br /><br />The bottom line of my ITP, or how I prefer to look at it, How I Choose To Live My Life (HICTLML!), is being mindful and attentive to where and how I invest my time and energy.<br /><br />First thing I DO... is that I set an intention to be PRESENT... wherever I am, with whatever or whomever I'm interacting, with whatever is moving through my body, mind, heart, with whatever is unfolding in the environment around me. My intention is to be fully alive, aware in this moment, acting consciously. <br /><br />Many habits that I have developed out of necessity for survival, in response to events that have occurred in my life, and as a natural part of my development, have lead me to act on auto-pilot... have caused me to move through the world unconscious of my motivations and intentions, unconscious of the deeper 'forces' that drive my actions. My practice is to uncover as much of those unconscious drives, freeing myself, allowing the divine to shine through me at all times. <br /><br />When I am unconscious, when I am acting out of habit or fear, it is like those actions act as a 'dark' veil, blocking the pure essence of soul that WANTS to shine through me, that wants to be expressed, that IS the ESSENCE of all, the pulsing heart center radiating from the core of existence (as I see it!).<br /><br />My habits are contractions pulling at me, holding me close to my identity and attachments. As I give those contractions attention, I offer light to my shadow. Attention and awareness shines upon the effort, illuminating it, offering an opportunity to make a conscious choice rather than unconsciously responding. As I rest in conscious awareness of this moment, I expand into fuller Presence.<br /><br />As I consciously follow the flow of my own attention, areas in need of practice become very clear to me. For instance, I’m in a conversation with a person. I really feel a desire to share an emotional response that I am having in regards to this person. I don’t know if I should, is it appropriate? Will it turn them away? Am I capable of expressing this emotion? As these questions and concerns start pouring through my mind I notice that I am contracting around this choice of ‘What should I do?’ I also notice that I am no longer as present in the conversation because I’m now preoccupied with my own needs. It is part of my Practice to tend to that moment of anxious paralysis immediately. I search for what line of my development is in need of growth and expansion in that moment and then take a leap, throwing myself beyond the contraction, beyond my comfort zone, and into action. If I’m afraid of the vulnerability of expressing myself, then push my limit and share my emotions. If I am in need of strengthening my timing and respect of boundaries, I push my limit by recognizing the environment I am in and not indulging my own needs to speak immediately, discharging my discomfort onto another. If I am in need of finding language to express my emotions then I stumble around with words accepting that I am awkward and clunky because I am learning. I am engaging my Practice in the moment that it is needed. I listen, allowing the cues to catch my attention, “Hey you, you’re hitting an aspect of your life that isn’t so developed, now’s an opportunity to practice.”<br /><br />Another example. Recently I was in an incredibly heightened state of flow. Life was humming vibrantly. I heard these sounds within me that I wanted to make, tones that wished to pour through my body. I was struck with a difficult decision. I knew that my capacity to recreate those sounds vocally was not practiced enough. I saw that I had two choices. I could open myself for sound to move through, accepting that expressing this less-developed line of myself would most likely bring me into a different state (one of practicing a skill in need of development as apposed to a state of heightened expression in areas more developed). I chose to silently enjoy the sounds within my being, taking note of the fact (again) that I need to begin a routine toning practice. It is in this manner that my ‘ITP’ defines itself for me. When I am Present, the areas in need of practice (development) let themselves be known, essence wishing to be expressed through me knocks at my door and I make the choice to invite it into my being or continue ignoring it for a bit longer.<br /><br />I love this quote by Forest Jackson <blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Integral Practice leads us into a style of living that seeks to engage and draw upon the totality of our being in the process of growth towards our highest potential.</span></blockquote><br /><br />A couple of questions I like to ask myself, "What do you want to be more conscious about?" "What are you willing to do to help cultivate that awareness?" "How do you share your consciousness with the world around you?"ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1114275679283526092005-04-23T09:58:00.000-07:002005-04-23T10:01:19.286-07:00Thoughts on Integral Education<span class="postbody"><a href="http://integral-ed.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=434">Mike</a> asks:<blockquote> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF AN INTEGRAL EDUCATION??<br /><br />WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE AND WHAT IS OUR END VISION REALLY LOOK LIKE?? </blockquote><br />When I sink into your questions, I find myself looking at the pathway from purpose, vision, theory --> to actualizing. What arises looks like my picture of what Integral Education is.<br /><br />I see purpose, vision and theory as shining orbs of electric energy spinning in the foreground of my awareness. They invite my time and attention, they charge my enthusiasm and passion, inspiring me to feed them with ‘doing’ and ‘action’. They are like my North Star, as I sail through the seas of reality, I stay focused on them, they are my guiding lights, it is imperative that I keep them in my awareness, that I stay aligned with their intentions.<br /><br />When I move out of the dreaming and planning stages of development, however, these guiding lights remain illuminate and they recede to the background. My foreground is that which is unfolding before me, around me. My foreground is what is actually happening and occurring in the relative world in which I am interacting. I recognize that which is, harmonize with the inner and outer environment, and strive to unify with it in order to be a part of the greatest good and fullest potential (moving forward).<br /><br />This is how I see Integral Education. As educators, as human beings in reverence to learning- unfolding wholeness (purpose), we walk into a moment with our eyes wide open, receiving that which IS before us. We recognize another for who they are in this very moment and we hold in our awareness the highest light, the greatest potential we see for them... for our shared space (vision). We use our various theories as tools to help us best facilitate a narrowing of the gap between What Is and Highest Potential. Theory guides us in accessing greater possibilities and potentials and offers us suggestions as to how to bring those to life.<br /><br />We use or unique and special talents to embrace and support one another, trusting all along in the capacity to succeed and encouraging unfolding wholes. We assist in integration of the various parts that make up the whole. We accentuate areas that are strong and encourage further development in areas that are weak. We model how they all weave together, we model integral integrity and thus in our very being inspire integral education.<br /><br /><br />I really appreciate these quotes from Parker Palmer, they sing to me. I would be interested in expanding upon the web of communal relationships and how imperative that social component is in education and knowing reality.<br /><br /></span> <table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1" width="90%"> <tbody><tr> <td><span class="genmed"><b>Quote:</b></span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="quote">“Truth is an eternal conversation about things that matter, conducted with passion and discipline."</td> </tr></tbody> </table> <span class="postbody"><br />so as educators, we find out what matters to people and tend to the “dirt”... “soil”, creating environments where conversations conducted with passion and discipline (limits and boundaries) unfurl effortlessly, spontaneously.<br /> </span>ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1112456090785853222005-04-02T07:34:00.000-08:002005-04-02T07:42:03.610-08:00Personalizing Language and Being IntegralAn influential part of my spiritual practice is using and claiming <span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Conscious Language</span>. I value speaking words that are charged with personal meaning and whose definitions are in alignment with my authentic self. Giving attention to the words I choose charges my communications with a depth and span that mirrors my own being.<br /><br />This intention to use language consciously has motivated a practice of <span style="font-style: italic;">claiming</span> language. I generally have a few words in my pocket that I carry around with me. I <span style="font-style: italic;">play</span> with the words, striving to fully understand and integrate a meaning with which I resonate. I seek clarity regarding how I and others respond to, define, and interact with the words. The information that I gather from this play allows me to settle into a grounded perception of what the words mean to me and the ways in which I value using them... And then, I stay eternally open to their constantly evolving definitions.<br /><br />A word currently in my pocket is <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Integral</span>... and a question spinning through me is "What does it mean to me to Be Integral?"<br /><br />I freely flow with the word Integral: inclusive, including all, a complete whole where all of the parts are connected.<br /><br />For me, being integral means I am commited to a journey of transcending and including. I live in a state of openness and willingness to recognize where I am constricted, attentively move beyond limitations, and integrate growth into my being. I live a life of sacred inquiry, doing the work of including and integrating that which unfolds before me and within me. Being integral means that I am always open to having my perspective expanded, I am not attached to nor repulsed by the stage of development in which I am currently operating. I am aware of and respect other stages along the spiral in both directions.<br /><br />As an integral person, I accept my own reality as being significant and real and I accept another's reality as being significant and real. My purpose, however, is to spread the greatest good, transcending limitations and blockages. I honor whole people for who they are in this moment and I keep my vision focused on each of us in our highest light, holding space for us to fully know and embrace that aspect of our True Selves.<br /><br />The most direct action that I "Do" in my practice of 'being integral' is that I am <span style="font-style: italic;">aware</span>. I am attentive to my awareness. I value being aware of what is occurring within me and in my environment. I am aware of responses that arise within me, in my body, my emotions, and my thoughts. I am aware of how I am interacting with others, being highly attentive to interpersonal lines of connection and communication. I am aware of myself and the roles that I play in the world, the actions I take. I am aware of the world beyond me and attentive to that which is unfolding.<br /><br />~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~<br />As each of us offers our precious drops to the ocean of existence, our ripples spread, creating the rings of humanity. My first drops in this pond will continue to explore what it means for me to 'Be Integral.' This journey has now begun and I welcome you to join and participate as much as your heart desires!ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1111770841604269682005-03-25T09:13:00.000-08:002005-03-26T11:56:11.816-08:00A Catchy Title!still playing with <a href="http://html-color-codes.com/">colors</a> and fonts and spacing and figuring out html in a way that i've never known it before... oh, how much there is to learn in this computer world!!ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11625818.post-1111516162926729412005-03-22T10:25:00.000-08:002005-03-26T13:03:21.406-08:00Getting Started<img src="http://ccc.atmos.colostate.edu/%7Ehail/cool/rain/images/rain10-4-2000_jpg.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">photo by<a href="http://ccc.atmos.colostate.edu/%7Ehail/cool/rain/pages/rain10-4-2000_jpg.htm"> L. Kral </a></span><br /><br />Let's jump in the pond and create some beautiful waves and ripples!ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15536976244597734256noreply@blogger.com1